What’s the connection between sex and death from the perspective of a pleasure educator?
Well, I believe you can’t talk about sex without talking about death. They’re entwined. Pleasure keeps us alive and truly living. You can’t have life and living, without having death, decay, loss. We are not infinite, we live in cycles of change and decay.
Sex and pleasure are also tools to be in our bodies. They remind us that we have bodies, that we exist in space and time.
I’m excited to introduce the second blog in the The Chronic Series. This series features people speaking first-hand about their often misunderstood experiences with pain and pleasure. I’m so excited to introduce artist, Makeda Duong:
“The first time I had sex, it was like a cleaving. In the original tale of ‘The Little Mermaid’ when the mermaid’s tail splits into two legs, it feels like she is being sliced with a sword. Every step that followed felt like she was walking on broken glass.”
I’m so excited to launch a blog series, The Chronic Series, a series of featured writers speaking first-hand about their often misunderstood experiences with pain and pleasure. I’m honoured to introduce Devon as the first writer in the series:
”I have suffered with chronic pain my entire adult life. Therefore, I have never had a sexual experience where I wasn’t also dealing with chronic pain. So, let’s talk about that.”
For the last two years I’ve been hosting porn screenings in Australia and the USA in the hope of introducing people to more indie production houses who are creating amazing porn. While I don’t work in porn, I’m a Pleasure Educator and believe that sex work and sex workers are fundamentally important to society’s health, as is exploring our range of pleasure and desire. Of course as long as they are consensual, safe, and respectful (NOTE: not all consensual acts are always safe or respectful).
To celebrate the brilliance of porn and it’s breadth, I’ve written a guide for you to explore porn with a new approach, or perhaps for the very first time.
Shaaaaame. What a sneaky little fucker. It can be so invisible and insidious to the point we think we’re acting of our own volition, yet it’s internalised shame and fear propelling our decisions and actions, even potentially against the good of ourselves.
We all have shame, we’ve inevitably inherited it, so it’s so hard to get enough distance from shame to even speak about it. What would the world look like without shame? Particularly sexual shame? I really don’t know. As it stands, shame is woven into the fabric of society and ourselves. Here are some reminders and tools to recognise and dismantle it, and even have a relationship with shame while you relearn pleasure and expression.
I want to openly and freely share this list of trauma resources I’ve found that are either sex positive, body focused / somatic approaches, or have a harm reduction approach.
I’m by no means a trauma expert or professional, but in the process of becoming more aware of the effects of trauma, researching the nervous system, and training in trauma-informed facilitation I’ve found these resources to be helpful for my understanding and supportive for my clients as they develop a relationship with their bodies, pleasure, and exploration.
People often ask me about resources about consensual non-monogamy. Even though I focus on communication of pleasure (with needs, wants, desires, and fantasies), I’m not a therapist and don’t plan on being one! But I have been in my fair share of open relationships, so I suggest these resources not from my perspective as a Pleasure Educator, but from being human and exploring new ways of relating.
I had the honour of writing a commissioned essay for Jonathan Homsey’s latest curated exhibition, which launched last week at Blindside Gallery. Jonathan is a master of so many mediums, but his curation is stunning and thoughtful, and he's so damn kind.
He attended one of my workshops for Small Beyond last year where I supposedly said "anticipation is half of seduction". I don't remember saying it, but he did! So he created a whole exhibition around this exploration. I wrote this piece about what I feel pleasure is, and the process of cultivating and honouring it.
After many gushing and squirting workshops I’ve decided to write a blog about the research and misconceptions around squirting as I get so many questions.
Like many other things to do with sexual pleasure, there’s a lot of misconceptions around squirting and gushing and of course there’s sooooo much more study to be done - seriously, where are the sex positive millionaires at? Please send them my way.